I’m sitting in the PICU room at Egleston, while my son has a machine breathe for him. There is NEVER a time when there is not some new concern. Blood pressure, amount of urine, CVP, etc. It’s very difficult to watch. The question I percolate on as a pastor is what does this mean for me spiritually? More importantly, what does it mean for John.
Compared to John, it doesn’t seem that I should need God right now – I’m sitting in a chair in good health. John needs God. He needs the life that Jesus came to bring.
But I do need God. I need some peace. I don’t need understanding, I don’t need answers, I can’t necessarily argue that He must intervene. That’s in His court. I certainly ask for that, could I even be so bold as to say I beg for that. But God is God, and I am not. He is a God of life, and I do have faith in God. Lord help my little faith!
I think I may also feel some pressure as your pastor. Not to be superman, but to model what it’s like to walk with God through difficulty. To acknowledge the help of other people. I don’t necessarily feel that consciously, but deep down I do want to please God. And deep down I want John healed.